Same Sex Attraction Role Play
Scenario #1: Messing with Marriage
You are at your grandfather’s funeral and your cousin Stan from out of town, whom you haven’t seen for years, greets you and introduces you to his “partner” Rick.
How can you respond?
1) Be courteous without celebrating something disordered and be honest.
You: Hello [to Rick]. [Then turning to your cousin, Stan] Hi Stan, I’m glad you could be here for our Grandpa’s funeral; it means a lot to Grandma, I can tell. [Rick leaves you two alone.]
Cousin: Well, it would mean a lot to me if you would visit Rick and me and come to our “wedding.”
You: I’m really uncomfortable with that.
Cousin: Why? Rick is a great guy and we love each other. Come celebrate with us.
2) Show love for the other while respecting the truth about marriage.
You: Whether you go through with your plans or not, I care about you. I care about you too much to support you in a lifestyle that is naturally unhealthy and not marriage.
Cousin: Rick and I will be legally married. What do you mean it’s not marriage?
You: Marriage fulfills a vital need in society and it has to do with children. For the good of children and society, sexual relations that can lead to procreation should occur only between a man and a woman committed to each other in a lasting bond.
Cousin: Lots of people have a marriage without children. I have a right to enter into a lasting bond with whomever I want. Love is love.
You: Could I marry Grandma now that she’s a widow? We love each other.
Cousin: No. I mean two guys attracted to each other can get married.
3) Draw an analogy and offer a resource.
You: Stan, I care about persons who experience same-sex attraction. We are all irreplaceable and lovable. Notice how Grandma loves all of us grandchildren. She knows we are all imperfect and struggle with different things. The question is, “Are we each doing our best to grow in virtues?” Chasity is respecting marriage as both unitive and procreative. If you want to talk to others who share your struggles and are trying to live chastity, visit Courage.com. I heard a chaplain from there give a talk.
Scenario #2: Labeling Limitations
You are on your high school Year Book Committee working with the main photographer, a male student. While working together you point out that there are a lot of pictures of another classmate, Jeff. The photographer peer explains, “That’s because I have a crush on him.” You seek clarification with, “You mean you admire him?” But he answers, “No, I mean I’m gay.”
How can you respond?
1) Affirm the whole person rather than a particular experience of the person.
You: Thank you for trusting me with that personal information. I don’t think it’s fair to label anyone by something they experience, such as same-sex attraction. You are much more than that just like you are more than just a good photographer. You are a child of God as much as I am though we might have different struggles in life.
Peer: I wouldn’t say I struggle. I feel like I have discovered my true self. I want you to think of me as gay.
You: Let’s look at what we have in common. We all experience same-sex attraction in some sense, you know, it’s called friendship.
Peer: Hmm, I didn’t think of that. But my attractions are more than that; this is who I really am. I am living my truth and being public about it. It’s not healthy to stay in-the-closet.
You: It’s good to be aware of one’s own feelings and thoughts. But again, your attractions don’t define you. Sexuality is one aspect of who we are. So I am not going to label you.
Peer: I’m labeling myself. I was born this way. I am ready to accept who I am.
You: I know a lot of people talk like that, about being born that way. But there is no scientific proof or even evidence that people are just born with same-sex attraction. The science is not there. The attractions themselves are objectively disordered and should not be acted upon.
Peer: Well, I have found a community and movement that “get me” and make me feel like I belong.
2) Love sometimes means saying “No.” Explain how you can’t love another outside of truth.
You: If you want me to affirm your decision to socialize with people I don’t know, I can’t. I want what’s good for you. I want you to be in communities that help you know and follow objective truth. Objectively, we are born male or female—you remember our biology class—and the sexes are complimentary. They are designed, ordered, and oriented towards generating new life. Just like our eyes are designed, ordered, and oriented to see, so is our human sexuality designed naturally to fit one man and one woman together.
Peer: No one has really talked to me about it in this way before. You’ve given me some things to think about.
Scenario #3: Misleading Movie
A classmate tells you about his new favorite show which features a homosexual couple.
Peer: Hey, I found this great show on Netflix that you have to check out. It features a gay couple trying to get from Hong Kong to New York with no phones and no money and 10 cats. It’s really funny, and the couple seems really happy. Do you want to watch the next episode with me this weekend?
How can you respond?
Affirm what might be good about the invitation without affirming the bad.
You: It sounds funny, but I don’t think I’d be comfortable watching that.
Peer: Why not?
You: Because it seems like this show is misleading.
Peer: How so?
You: Well, you say that the couple seems really happy, but I’m pretty sure a homosexual lifestyle does not bring true happiness. External signs like laughter might express a certain level of happiness, but it shouldn’t be confused with deeper internal happiness or true joy.
Peer: Why don’t you think they can have happiness deep inside? Doesn’t everyone just want to be happy?
You: Yes, everyone wants to be happy! But only actions grounded in the true and the good lead to happiness and fulfillment. Our human sexuality follows our biology. The male biology and the female biology are complimentary in design. Rejecting that truth and goodness leads to unhappiness.
Peer: I’ll have to think about that... So you won’t be watching it with me this weekend then?
You: No, but there are plenty of other things we could watch, or we could just hang out and talk about happiness.
Peer: Ok, sounds good.